I irritate myself...
Some days, I irritate myself. I've recently decided for a whole host of reasons, to up and move my life back to British Columbia. Yes, I know, I only moved back here a month ago. In fact, I haven't even been in this apartment for a whole month yet. But I quit my job (yes, in these uncertain economic times) and I reneged on the lease on my flat (or at least I came to an agreement with my landlady that we'd both be happier if I left) and I'm in the process of throwing out or selling most of what I own. It's a weird process.
On the road, I was quite happy with having only a backpack to worry about. In fact, probably half the time I felt like I was carrying around too much crud with me. And somehow, back in the 'real' world, I feel like getting rid of my stuff is an admission of defeat. An admission, at least, that I am not up for the challenge of making life work in this city. My ex-union got legislated back to work the day after I wrote to my two employing departments and quit my teaching contracts. I couldn't help but wonder if that was a good sign or a bad one. My good friend suggested that it just *shows* that I was meant to move, but I have to confess that my initial reaction was quite the opposite. Strange little world.
I suppose that there is nothing in theory wrong with surrounding oneself with family in times of stress and uncertainty. I even love my family. Lots! But I'm still uncertain about this choice. I define myself at least in part by my distance from family, by my capacity to manage without support, in places where I don't know people, time and time again. This decision is completely out of character.
On the road, I was quite happy with having only a backpack to worry about. In fact, probably half the time I felt like I was carrying around too much crud with me. And somehow, back in the 'real' world, I feel like getting rid of my stuff is an admission of defeat. An admission, at least, that I am not up for the challenge of making life work in this city. My ex-union got legislated back to work the day after I wrote to my two employing departments and quit my teaching contracts. I couldn't help but wonder if that was a good sign or a bad one. My good friend suggested that it just *shows* that I was meant to move, but I have to confess that my initial reaction was quite the opposite. Strange little world.
I suppose that there is nothing in theory wrong with surrounding oneself with family in times of stress and uncertainty. I even love my family. Lots! But I'm still uncertain about this choice. I define myself at least in part by my distance from family, by my capacity to manage without support, in places where I don't know people, time and time again. This decision is completely out of character.
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