What would success look like for you?

See these seedlings? This is part of what success looks like, for me 😊

Here’s the big question that I think a lot of us maybe haven’t spent enough (or any!) time with, as we forge our way through busy days, long and demanding work or family schedules, aiming at the maybe-mythical day we retire and start thinking about spending time doing other things than just getting by. That question is this: what would success look like for you? Note the emphasis on the last two words. I’m asking you to reflect on what success means for you, not your spouse or partner, or your family, or your parents, or your boss or your kids or your friends. You. I know, revolutionary, right? My belief is that most of us don’t bother to figure out the answer to this question, not really.

Rest assured, if you don’t figure out your own answer for this question, the world has lots of answers for you. Let me give you a partial list:

• Money (preferably lots of it, acquired by whatever means necessary)
• Stuff (a big house, lots of toys, lots of clothes, lots, lots, lots)
• Prestige (you work a fancy job, you have lots of recognition for what you do, you get paid a lot to do it)
• Fame (you are famous for your work, your lifestyle, your ‘brand’)

(Hint: Most lives don’t look like this and can be immensely satisfying anyway.)

If you sit down with most people at the end of their lives, and ask what mattered, most people say things like: “The time I spent with my family.” Or, “The contributions, the times I gave back to my community.” Or, “My connections with friends and loved ones.” Mostly people don’t say: Money. Or the stuff that they have, and yet, many many people (maybe you?) organise their lives around getting more money, so that they can buy more stuff, so that they can be… happy. But let’s get real. After you have enough money that you’re not worried about survival (you have food, shelter, clothing), more money doesn’t make people happy, at least not much more than having enough. Study after study, book after book, researchers are finding that happiness is linked to human connection, to meaningful contribution, to living an aligned life (that is, living in accordance with your values). Not to material possessions, not to fame and not to more money alone.

So, how much of your one beautiful, precious life are you spending chasing after the wrong thing? How much of your time is spent on activities and with people who matter to you? How much is spent “working for the Man” and in pursuit of things that other people (or to be more precise, companies and media) have told you are important?

What about what you think is important? Do you know what is important to you? What would you feel like every day if your actions were aligned with your values? If at bedtime every night you could look back at your day and know that you spent your minutes and your hours doing activities that mattered to you, that furthered your goals, and spent your time with people who are important to you? Wouldn’t that be a good foundation on which to build a happy life?

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